Hair Nappy But am I Happy?!

This past weekend I went to forum for women with natural hair. At first I was hesitant as there was talk of one through a MeetUp group, a website that allows you to join groups with common interests, but I thought it was ridiculous. Were African American women with natural hair really having that much trouble that there needed to be a forum? Well the answer is yes and I'll admit lately I've had the same problems. Maybe it's because I try to force my dry hair through a comb to make an afro. Or it could be a phase of wanting to change my hair.

At the forum I shared my experience of releasing myself from a relaxer and people who want to touch my hair. As many people know touching hair brings questions and comments that may make an African American women feel uncomfortable. For example, I work retail part-time and there was a woman from Texas. I already knew what to expect loud and maybe a little ignorant, but for some reason I gave her pass. So she said in a very distinct Texan accent, "I just love your hair. You know I'm from Corpus Christi and there not that many black people there..." Go ahead and pump the brakes, she was doing so well when she began with a compliment. "I have only one black friend and I ask her about hair and she doesn't like to talk about it. I just want to know how do you get your hair like that?" I'll tell you right now I don't like a lot of attention on me unless I initiate it. It also doesn't make me feel to great when I'm temporarily deemed the voice of African American women by one curious person. I responded politely, "No, it's o.k. better. Well, my hair grows this way and it's because of the texture of my hair that it can hold certain styles." Whew, that was easier than I thought. "Thank you, it's really beautiful," the Texan replied.

I have to say hearing some of the stories at the forum made me feel like it's o.k. and that I'm not alone. You know, black girl power hooraahhh. Then I pondered on this topic some more. Are African American women the only ones who struggle with their natural hair? Is it that serious? What is the simple solution?

Well I flipped through this month's Essence and they had a discussion amongst women with natural and relaxed hair. It was similar to the discussion I had with the ladies. Struggle, weaves, products, and breakage. And to no avail no solution, just the usual annoyance. Maybe the solution is a personal one.

Last night I spoke with my uncle and he said, "What is this trouble (with natural hair) you're talking about?" I explained that African American women have a hard time dealing with their natural hair. Let's think about what I just said and pick out a few words. Hard and dealing. This just doesn't sound right at all, "The problem is that everyone wants to have white hair." He told me about an old photo from his fraternity where the majority of the men had their hair conked (relaxed). "They wanted white hair," he said. I thought about it some more and a light bulb went off. Was I forcing a comb my hair even though it's not meant to be combed to perhaps emulate white women in hair commercials running a brush through their silky manes with ease? Um, um, yea. Deep down I want my hair to be easy to comb, be long and shiny, and dare I say it bounce. By me trying to comb my hair is reflecting that I am struggling with my hair.



My uncle went on to say that African women don't struggle with their hair, they braid it. I don't think he meant to say this as fact because maybe there are some African women who may find themselves struggling with their hair. However, African American women wouldn't struggle with their hair if they didn't use relaxers. This shock of "how am I going to do my hair" comes from having straight hair for years. Roller wraps, layers, and hair that blows gracefully in the wind, wouldn't matter if we didn't relax in the first place.

Moving right along. I had a similar discussion with my friend Angela, who firmly believes that her hair doesn't define her. Now, I'm not concluding if you have a relaxer you automatically don't like yourself, you may just like a certain style. I will say that if the thought of your in it's most natural state makes you cringe, then "Houston, we have a problem." You didn't pop out the womb with the relaxer, probably started off in childhood with afro puffs, braids and beads, or twisted ponytails.

So, whatever your hair type is, are you happy?

Basement Dweller

O.k. to my graduates in the recession I know you're feeling the blow to the market. I have to say this, keep your head up. It's easier said than done. You want to know why? Well, for one I have uprooted out of my home state to Chicago only to feel like I'm STILL not doing shit. Yes, I am a writer and we live a lifestyle that's pretty free, even bohemian in some cases. I write from the downtown public library which is the craziest place to get work done. There are so many different things going on from a someone amping on a librarian for a frozen computer to the stranger who decided it was a good idea to tap me on the shoulder to say, "GOTCHA!" Yea that really did happen. Anyway, at the moment I feel like a total loser. I'm definitely not getting paid for what I do. I often beat myself up because I've opted out of going to graduate school. For some reason I feel I can make it by just doing what I love without formal training.

On my days off from a part-time retail job, they are work days. This is where I write in my journal, search for jobs, work on my resume, and click the refresh button on my email hoping a new networking opportunity will change the number on my inbox. It's a sad thing, but it is the life I live. Oh to feel even more like I loser, I'm staying with my family. It sounds smart because I don't have to really struggle. I have to say I feel pretty damn worthless when I have yet another day off and can't fill it up with anything else. I've decided to use this blog, to strenghten my writing and God help me a fan base. Now my blog is also a column for The P3 Power Boost, a professional women's magazine. I think it's quite appropriate for young people who feel like they're alone in the struggle to find work. Even if it doesn't get to someone like myself at least I know it's getting read.

So whether you're with the 'rents or a family's place, staying with 5 roommates, or alone living in what looks like walk in closet, you're not alone. I was told that this is the time where I'm really free to do anything. Then I thought about my bank account, yea right. However, it's not all about money (in the long run it is), but while I don't have kids, a mortgage, or a spouse I can do whatever I want. I can go hang out at all hours, work for free, and change my mind on anything.

I keep telling myself that this is a great time in my life, but why I do feel like such a bum?

Chicago, Chicago

I moved to Chicago 3 months ago, this is city is my New York. I fell in love when I visited my family when I was 13 for a month out of my summer. I come from a small North Carolina city (maybe it's just a big town) of roughly 25,000. It was a culture shock with the variations of attractions from the extravagant architecture of the Smurtif-Stone building to these "big city" houses converted into apartments. There was a sense of comradery that I feel didn't exist in northern major cities. I still remember the smell of Lake Michigan and the lovely cool chill I felt down my spine as I sat outside eating lunch with my friends at camp.

During Christmas break in my senior year of high school I made trips to museums and Art Institute where I became deliciously overwhelmed with artistic wonder. I even smiled in the unforgiving Chicago winter wind.


In my final trip, before I made the bold move to the city, it was my junior year in college. I was old enough to venture out on my own and I felt a sense of independence that differed from dorm life. The world, well the city at least, truly felt like my oyster. I could go anywhere and do anything because for that Spring Break I was a city girl. As I hailed a cab to meet up with my uncle so we could take to the Metra home I thought, 'This is it, I'm moving to Chicago.'

I've never been to New York and I would like to visit, but I think moving there is out of the question. It is The city to make dreams come true or at least attempt to. From t.v. I've found it to be magical with Madison Square Garden's Christmas tree and the Statue of Liberty steadfast a late-night rainstorm. All of these things I fear are ploys that will eventually lure me there and the flashing lights will blind me or burn. I've heard of the dirt and grim, the sketchy neighborhoods, the rude people, the ridiculous rent. For what? That little piece of magic portrayed in photo shopped pictures and the wealthy exiting in their town cars to Upper Eastside apartments.

Before I get mauled by self-proclaimed New Yorkers, it's the perfect place for YOU.
I'm glad to say I didn't get fooled by Chicago. I came in knowing about the rough edges like the crime, it happens everywhere. Sure, there are neighborhoods where it's a little more dangerous and more frequently the random acts of crime.

It's not has large as New York, but it's big enough for me. It's more Southerner-friendly, meaning I can get away with saying 'hello' to a stranger. I've found a tourist spot that brings me peace, The Crown Fountain. As it gets cooler fewer people sit near it, but I like to stop and watch the faces. The way the facial lines settle on the smiles of these strangers, who eventually spit water onto unexpected admirers.

Now that I've moved to Chicago I get to live my dream. I've learned to move at a downtowners pace, swift and determined. Everyone has somewhere important to go and now that I'm not visiting I do too. I'm slowly discovering the young adult Chicago, which I believe is hidden in free sponsored concerts, swanky hotel bars, and house parties by invitation only. Come on to my city and see how great it is.

So there you have it a rant on the city that never sleeps and the city that gets slept on.