This past weekend I went to forum for women with natural hair. At first I was hesitant as there was talk of one through a MeetUp group, a website that allows you to join groups with common interests, but I thought it was ridiculous. Were African American women with natural hair really having that much trouble that there needed to be a forum? Well the answer is yes and I'll admit lately I've had the same problems. Maybe it's because I try to force my dry hair through a comb to make an afro. Or it could be a phase of wanting to change my hair.
At the forum I shared my experience of releasing myself from a relaxer and people who want to touch my hair. As many people know touching hair brings questions and comments that may make an African American women feel uncomfortable. For example, I work retail part-time and there was a woman from Texas. I already knew what to expect loud and maybe a little ignorant, but for some reason I gave her pass. So she said in a very distinct Texan accent, "I just love your hair. You know I'm from Corpus Christi and there not that many black people there..." Go ahead and pump the brakes, she was doing so well when she began with a compliment. "I have only one black friend and I ask her about hair and she doesn't like to talk about it. I just want to know how do you get your hair like that?" I'll tell you right now I don't like a lot of attention on me unless I initiate it. It also doesn't make me feel to great when I'm temporarily deemed the voice of African American women by one curious person. I responded politely, "No, it's o.k. better. Well, my hair grows this way and it's because of the texture of my hair that it can hold certain styles." Whew, that was easier than I thought. "Thank you, it's really beautiful," the Texan replied.
I have to say hearing some of the stories at the forum made me feel like it's o.k. and that I'm not alone. You know, black girl power hooraahhh. Then I pondered on this topic some more. Are African American women the only ones who struggle with their natural hair? Is it that serious? What is the simple solution?
Well I flipped through this month's Essence and they had a discussion amongst women with natural and relaxed hair. It was similar to the discussion I had with the ladies. Struggle, weaves, products, and breakage. And to no avail no solution, just the usual annoyance. Maybe the solution is a personal one.
Last night I spoke with my uncle and he said, "What is this trouble (with natural hair) you're talking about?" I explained that African American women have a hard time dealing with their natural hair. Let's think about what I just said and pick out a few words. Hard and dealing. This just doesn't sound right at all, "The problem is that everyone wants to have white hair." He told me about an old photo from his fraternity where the majority of the men had their hair conked (relaxed). "They wanted white hair," he said. I thought about it some more and a light bulb went off. Was I forcing a comb my hair even though it's not meant to be combed to perhaps emulate white women in hair commercials running a brush through their silky manes with ease? Um, um, yea. Deep down I want my hair to be easy to comb, be long and shiny, and dare I say it bounce. By me trying to comb my hair is reflecting that I am struggling with my hair.
My uncle went on to say that African women don't struggle with their hair, they braid it. I don't think he meant to say this as fact because maybe there are some African women who may find themselves struggling with their hair. However, African American women wouldn't struggle with their hair if they didn't use relaxers. This shock of "how am I going to do my hair" comes from having straight hair for years. Roller wraps, layers, and hair that blows gracefully in the wind, wouldn't matter if we didn't relax in the first place.
Moving right along. I had a similar discussion with my friend Angela, who firmly believes that her hair doesn't define her. Now, I'm not concluding if you have a relaxer you automatically don't like yourself, you may just like a certain style. I will say that if the thought of your in it's most natural state makes you cringe, then "Houston, we have a problem." You didn't pop out the womb with the relaxer, probably started off in childhood with afro puffs, braids and beads, or twisted ponytails.
So, whatever your hair type is, are you happy?
